Hovis

The Destroyer

Hovis shared his weekly diary each Friday on the Horse & Hound website between 2008 and February 2025. Initially located on the popular H&H forum, he moved to the main website in February 2013. He published nine books, each to raise funds for his local equine welfare charity Bransby Horses. You can read all his diary entries below. H&H also published a final tribute to our much-loved equine contributor.

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Hovis

The Destroyer

Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘I was an equine David Beckham for 24 hours’

Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘about as useful as boobs on a fish’

Hovis’ Friday diary: reasons why I should be your new leader now that the blonde bushy-haired one has left...

Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘Bouncing about on my toesies’

Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘If I sweat any more, the local ant colony is going to be holding canoe slalom time trials down my inner thighs’

Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘I am standing accused of trying to break every female in my life’

Hovis’ Friday Diary: The kingpin is back, while Barbie Boy is in the dog house

Hovis’ Friday Diary: ‘I am more fed up than a republican at a Royal Garden Party’

Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘Mother’s growl would have frozen the blood of the grouchiest of grizzly bears’

Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘I came down with all 718kg of muscled equine perfection on her foot’

Hovis’ Friday Diary: ‘I intend to sue the Royal Mail – and want to be paid out in polos’

Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘Ditch Mr Flighty – come and ride the mighty’

Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘The ultimate come back kid does it yet again – whereas mother not so much’

Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘The woman has double standards as well as a double chin…’

Hovis’ Friday diary: I only spooked at two things – things that were real and things that were not

Hovis’ Friday Diary: ‘Seems to me that a good dose of moody mare is needed...’

Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘when it comes to skills, mother is the children’s safety scissors equivalent of riding’

Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘My IQ is not rivalled by the mounting block’

Hovis’ Friday Diary: ‘Why I should be called Sir Hovis of the Floofy Hooves...’

Hovis’ Friday Diary: ‘You humans are such peculiar creatures’